Spoofing Lyrics

   I was taking a walk last night when I came across a bunch of girls singing “Beautiful Girls” – Jojo’s version – while drunk.  I was just taking a walk, which means I was not drunk, so my senses are not impaired by alcohol.  They didn’t look beautiful at all: you can’t throw on tube tops and mini-shorts on a bunch of inebriated girls and make beautiful people out of them.  Had they been whores, they weren’t worth the P500 in my pocket even if they had crab lice, chronic yeast infections, and vaginal boils.    Besides, I am irritated by that song.  So here goes: *     *     *  You really look like a boy That’s why it will never work I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal When I say it’s over Damn you ain’t beautiful, girl You really really look like dirt I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal When I say it’s over I remember when I was hanging out with friends That’s when I caught your eye I thought you looked like a big fly Right then I wished that you would get away from me No I didn’t ask for game And I don’t wanna know your name I would hang you from a chain Bet you wanna do the same Something tells me you sniff paint thinner You are so easy to find Girl I’m really not that blind Oh I could use some wine Knowing that you look like swine Tonight you look this way Tomorrow you’ll…

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Ego Songs

   In the spirit of sending the emo genre to hell, I have an alternative: “ego.”  This is when you take the usual love song and sing it in the first person.  Since I’m lazy today after a dental procedure that involved analgesic, I’m posting some of these “transformed” lyrics, albeit just snippets of them.  Enjoy. *     *     *  Example 1: I find that “I Make Love To You” by Boyz II Men can be transformed into a perfectly good S&M song… Girl relax, take it slow You ain’t got nowhere to go You’re gonna concentrate on me Girl are you ready, it’s gonna be a long night Throw my clothes on the floor And you’ll take my clothes off too You made plans to be with me Girl whatever I ask I know that you’ll do You’ll make love to me Like I want you to And you’ll hold me tight Baby all through the night You’ll make love to me When I want you to And you will not let go Till I tell you to… Example 2.  Like me, and if you’re a guy, you’re probably annoyed with Sean Kingston’s “Beautiful Girls.”  Probably because your girlfriend is singing it.  Here’s the ego version. I am too beautiful, girl That’s why it will never work I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal When I say it’s over Damn all you beautiful girls I only wanna do you dirt I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal When I say it’s over… Example 3. …

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