VotW #4

I’m here at an Internet café in Cubao, and I have a few hours to kill before I have dinner with some bloggers over at Greenhills.  I figure that now would be a good time to present my choice for Video of the Week.

I like to think I have a very broad taste in music (considering the past winners of VotW).  I do like listening to Rage Against the Machine, Rob Zombie, Metallica, and Marilyn Manson, but we all can’t listen to the same genre of music every day.  We need to expand our horizons to include the kind of music we grew up with.  For my generation, that would include The Moffatts, Gil Ofarim, Hanson, A1, and Five.

And then there’s this group.  Here’s this week’s VotW:

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Yes, this week’s VotW is that 1990s pop hit by 911, “The Day We Find Love.”  This may sound like a horrible choice for VotW considering that nobody will ever confess to listening to 911.  But there’s at least one guy who posted a comment in the video who’s at least being honest (clue: he’s the only Filipino brave enough to post his true feelings about the song).

This wouldn’t be VotW if I didn’t translate lyrics, so…

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‘Di to ang una, ‘di magwawakas pa…

Wag kang mag-alala, ‘di ko naman sinasadya
Mauubos din ang luha
Hahayaan ba kitang magparaya?
Hinihiling ko lang, sabihin mo ang totoo
Yun lang ang tangi kong hiling, na sana’y maalala mo pa ako

Ang tanging nagpalaya sa iyo
Konting oras lang ang kailangan mo
Pagmamahal natin
Di pa huli ang lahat

‘Di to ang una, ‘di magwawakas pa
Ang puso ko’y tanging sa yo lamang
Maghihintay din, ‘di lilisanin
Hanggang tayo’y muling magkakapiling

Di ako susuko, habang may pag-asa pa
Panaginip na walang wakas, pag-ibig na walang kasing-wagas
Sa puso ko ay ikaw pa rin ang aking mahal
Ngunit sabi-sabi nila ay, handa mo na raw ako na iwan

Paano na ang nakaraan
Ang ating pinagdaanan
Wag mo sanang kalimutan
Di pa huli ang lahat

‘Di to ang una, ‘di magwawakas pa
Ang puso ko’y tanging sa yo lamang
Maghihintay din, ‘di lilisanin
Hanggang tayo’y muling magkakapiling

Alaalahanin mo, na ako lang nagparaya para sa yo
Konting oras lang, sana’y mahal mo pa rin ako

‘Di to ang una, ‘di magwawakas pa
Ang puso ko’y tanging sa yo lamang
Maghihintay din, ‘di lilisanin
Hanggang tayo’y muling magkakapiling…

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That has got to be my suckiest translation so far.  Whew!  Catch you on the flipside, Marochaholics!

No Excuses

This week’s video comes not from Alice in Chains, who did sing “No Excuses.”  Nor is it the I-wear-eyeliner-and-slash-my-wrists-emo bullshit that I don’t listen to (even if the key is to annoy myself enough at work to actually do some work).  Here it goes… my random thoughts after the video.

Yes, Hideaki Tokunaga’s “Saigo No Iiwake” (roughly translated: “Last Excuse”) is the Video of the Week.  You may remember certain renditions and reprises of this classic Japanese hit, like that of 1990s Filipino balladeer Ted Ito, 1990s pop icon Jocelyn Enriquez, and Keempee de Leon (way before he became a popular noontime show host where chismosa housewives of the “Kapamilya” camp constantly question his sexual orientation).

If my memory serves me right, “Saigo No Iiwake” is the audition piece of many Filipino entertainers auditioning for a job in Japan (the derogatory term is, of course, “Japayuki”).  I don’t mean to make this come across as an insult, but I think nobody would dispute seeing provocatively dressed women singing this in a Japanese recruitment agency or at a nightclub.  Or that no philandering nightclub patron would ever dispute the fact that even in sobriety, the only word they can sing confidently is “Ichiban.”  For us kids, this song was in the finale of that classic TV hit, Maskman.

Had I been a singer, here’s my reprise:

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Now that you have gone, I don’t know what to say
What do I do, now that you’ve gone away
A love that I betrayed
What would I need to do to make you stay?

I hold my head up high while I walk in the rain
Hiding my tears, but it’s all in vain
I can’t stand the pain
What would I need to be in your arms again?

Everything I did, and everything I said
I can’t help but look back, though I should look ahead
Sorry for the things I ever said and done
It’s my last excuse, for you’re my only one

All that remains is just one picture of you
I remember all the things we used to do
The pain I can’t undo
Whatever happened to a love that’s so true?

Oh my love, I’m so sorry, for breaking your heart
A mistake I’ll regret, ‘coz it tore us apart
I can’t bear to watch and see you depart
My last excuse, you’re always in my heart

Everything I did, and everything I said
I can’t help but look back, though I should look ahead
Sorry for the things I ever said and done
It’s my last excuse, for you’re my only one

What happened to a love that was etched in stone
Oh my love, please don’t leave me, on my own…
If there’s one sin that I need to atone
It’s my last excuse, for leaving you alone.

Spoofing Lyrics

   I was taking a walk last night when I came across a bunch of girls singing “Beautiful Girls” – Jojo’s version – while drunk.  I was just taking a walk, which means I was not drunk, so my senses are not impaired by alcohol.  They didn’t look beautiful at all: you can’t throw on tube tops and mini-shorts on a bunch of inebriated girls and make beautiful people out of them.  Had they been whores, they weren’t worth the P500 in my pocket even if they had crab lice, chronic yeast infections, and vaginal boils.

   Besides, I am irritated by that song.  So here goes:

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You really look like a boy
That’s why it will never work
I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over
Damn you ain’t beautiful, girl
You really really look like dirt
I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over

I remember when
I was hanging out with friends
That’s when I caught your eye
I thought you looked like a big fly
Right then I wished that you would get away from me

No I didn’t ask for game
And I don’t wanna know your name
I would hang you from a chain
Bet you wanna do the same
Something tells me you sniff paint thinner

You are so easy to find
Girl I’m really not that blind
Oh I could use some wine
Knowing that you look like swine
Tonight you look this way
Tomorrow you’ll stay that way

You really get me annoyed
That’s why it will never work
I’ll get you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over
Damn you ain’t beautiful, girl
You really really smell like dirt
I’ll get you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over

Don’t even call me
Don’t leave messages for me
Was it your kind of ugly
That is the scab on my knee
Girl you look like a man
You got me in confusion

Don’t take me to the floor
‘Coz you remind me of a whore
And that was my queue to go
So I hit the door
I let you hot
With your body burning in an inferno

You are so easy to find
Girl I’m really not that blind
Oh I could use some wine
Knowing that you look like swine
Tonight you look this way
Tomorrow you’ll stay that way

I really started to hurl
That’s why it will never work
I’ll get you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over
Damn you ain’t beautiful, girl
You even really feel like dirt
I’ll get you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over

Now a couple months have passed
And I still don’t know it lasts
Oh everybody asked
How I saw a girl like that
But I should have really known
That memories last forever

You messed up my mind
When I saw you last time
But I was never that surprised
That the cancer in your eyes
And the herpes in your lips
Will stay there forever

You really turned me to stone
That’s why it will never work
I’ll get you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over
Damn you ain’t beautiful, girl
I want to bury you in dirt
I’ll get you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over

Ego Songs

   In the spirit of sending the emo genre to hell, I have an alternative: “ego.”  This is when you take the usual love song and sing it in the first person.  Since I’m lazy today after a dental procedure that involved analgesic, I’m posting some of these “transformed” lyrics, albeit just snippets of them.  Enjoy.

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Example 1: I find that “I Make Love To You” by Boyz II Men can be transformed into a perfectly good S&M song…

Girl relax, take it slow
You ain’t got nowhere to go
You’re gonna concentrate on me
Girl are you ready, it’s gonna be a long night

Throw my clothes on the floor
And you’ll take my clothes off too
You made plans to be with me
Girl whatever I ask I know that you’ll do

You’ll make love to me
Like I want you to
And you’ll hold me tight
Baby all through the night
You’ll make love to me
When I want you to
And you will not let go
Till I tell you to…

Example 2.  Like me, and if you’re a guy, you’re probably annoyed with Sean Kingston’s “Beautiful Girls.”  Probably because your girlfriend is singing it.  Here’s the ego version.

I am too beautiful, girl
That’s why it will never work
I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over
Damn all you beautiful girls
I only wanna do you dirt
I’ll have you suicidal, suicidal
When I say it’s over…

Example 3.  Tamia’s “Officially Missing You” is the song of heartbroken fools who think they can’t get over their past relationships.  Maybe if we tweak it a bit…

All you do is lay around
Two ears full of tears
From looking at my face on the wall
Just a week ago I was your baby
Now you don’t even know me now
Don’t know me at all
Well you wish that I would call you right now
So that you could get through to me somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say, baby
Safe to say
That you (that you)
You’re officially missing me

Ooooh, can’t nobody do it like me
Said every little thing I did
Hey baby it stays on your mind
And you (and you)
You’re officially…

Example 3.  “Dreaming of You” by Selena is romantic and all, but it can be the perfect song for an egomaniac…

Late at night when all the world’s sleeping
You stay up to think of me
And you wish on a star
That somewhere I am thinking of you too

‘Coz you’re dreaming of me tonight
‘Till tomorrow you’ll be holding me tight
And there’s nowhere in the world you’d rather be
Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me…

Example 4.  Because James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful” is, well, pitiful, it is necessary to make an ego-boosting song out of it…

Yes I caught your eye
As I walked on by
I can see from your face that you were
Fuckin’ high
And you don’t think that you’ll see me again
But we shared a moment that will last ’till the end

I’m beautiful
I’m beautiful
I’m beautiful, it’s true
You saw my face on a crowded place
And you don’t know what to do
‘Coz I’ll never be with you

Example 5: Emo – the musical genre sang and lived by animal food trough wipers – is best represented by Fall Out Boy.  In “A Little Less Sixteen Candles,” I find opportunities to make it right for self-mutilating manic-depressive feces from the rectal cavities of baboons…

You confess, you’re just messed up
Dropping “I’m sorry’s” like I’m still around
And you know I dressed up
Said, “Hey kid, you’ll never live this down”

And I’m just the boy all the girls want to dance with
And you’re just the girl who’s had too many chances