Welcome to “Dear Marocharim,” and today we tackle a love problem.
December 15, 2007
It is about a long distance relationship. We are miles away from each other and and we have not even met yet (we met through the Internet). She told me that she’ll be home by May, and for that, I am waiting for her. I promised her that i will not find someone else while waiting, she promised me the same. She says that I should trust her because she told me that she loves me, vice versa. But I keep on asking myself, what if she falls in love with another guy? What I fall for another girl? How about the promises that we made, that we should hold on?
She’s working in hotel-resort in Thailand, and after her OJT there, she’ll be here on May. Her brother’s wedding will be here in Baguio City and we already planned that we’ll meet here before or after the wedding. After the celebration, she’ll be back to Calgary where her family resides. Maria plans to tour the world because after her OJT as a hotel personnel, she wants to become a flight receptionist or a stewardess or something like that. I know she will not have enough time to spend with me.
It will be difficult for us to be together for a long time because of her job. What do I do?
You’re not alone: I bet my bottom peso that there are thousands of people there who met the loves of their lives in the Internet. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with it, but there’s a difference between romance built in “the real world” and romance built in “the virtual world.” You know how it goes: you have nothing to look forward to but text messages, conversations over Yahoo! Messenger, and if you’re really lucky, the phone call. But really: how do you really get to know somebody from a webcam or something?
Anyway, if you really love somebody, there are two things you have to know by now: you know when to hold on, and you know when to let go. I know all there is to know about letting go, my friend: it sucks. And holding on to a painful relationship also sucks just as bad as letting go. You think you can be perfectly happy without the one you love knowing that she’s happy, but deep inside, you know you aren’t. How many beers would it take to fill in the aching void in your heart? Short answer: depends on the beer. 😉
What’s keeping you from loving Maria with all your heart and soul and everything you have right now is distance. Being far and away from the one you love is one thing, but being far and away from the one you love – and not ever meeting her – is another thing. Reminds me of Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in “The Lake House…” or Dingdong Dantes and Iza Calzado in “Moments of Love.”
Yup, Raven, maybe it’s time you figured out this “holding on/letting go” thing. Being together doesn’t mean just being together in spirit, but also being together physically. When you’re not together, I can’t blame you for feeling a bit jittery and even paranoid about the “what if’s.” But there’s another “what if” you should consider: what if you’re really meant for each other?
The here-and-now matters more than anything: love isn’t the only risk worth taking. There are other things like life, work, personal fulfillment. And you’ll get to that as soon as you take this love thing one step at a time, not thinking about the past or the future, but the here-and-now. Re-evaluate yourself: how much do you love this person? Do you love her so much you’re willing to stand the pain of holding on to a relationship that couldn’t last? Or do you love her so much that you’re willing to stand the pain of letting go of a relationship that hasn’t really bloomed yet?
I’m more partial towards holding on myself (obviously because I’m a man), but weighing all the factors in, it would be much better for you to let go. There are many other opportunities out there to love and to be loved. But take your time: don’t rush things. Live for the here-and-now.
In the end, Raven, it doesn’t really matter if you hold on or if you let go. As long as you love her today… and as much as I hate to quote the Backstreet Boys, she won’t care who you are, where you’re from, she won’t care what you did, as long as she loves you. And vice-versa.