Excerpts from Bee Gees-erables

This is not a rant on Ricky Lo’s interview with Anne Hathaway.

But what if Les Miserables was, well, “modernized?”  I’m not talking about a take on West Side Story where the rival factions are the Wu-Tang Clan and G-Unit (more on that when I feel like it), but more of “Mamma Mia.”

So here you go: Les Miserables, rendered in… Bee Gees songs.

Here we go!  Get that hate-a-rade flowin’.

MARIUS PONTMERCY: Nights on Montreuil

To the tune of “Nights on Broadway” 

Here we are, in a street of protesters
Standing in the dark, where the soldiers can’t see me
Well I have to follow you, though your dad does not want me to
That won’t stop me stalking you, all the way to the gate

Blamin’ it all (blamin’ it all)
On the nights on Montreuil (on the nights on Montreuil)
Singin’ protest songs
Singin’ ‘em, those Vive la France songs
Blamin’ it all (blamin’ it all)
On the nights on Montreuil (on the nights on Montreuil)
Singin’ them anger sounds
To that, crazy, crazy crown

JEAN VALJEAN: I’m Jean Valjean

To the tune of “Stayin’ Alive”

Well you can tell by the way I push my wood
I’m a convicted man, for the bread I took
Music’s loud with the slaves who worked those docks
I’ve been kicked around since I was born

And now it’s alright, it’s OK, you can look the other way
We can try to understand, parole’s got effect on man

Takin’ from Thenardier, or runnin’ from a Javert
I’m Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean
Feel the city breakin’ coz the kids are barricadin’
I’m Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean
Ah, ha, ha, ha, Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean
Ah, ha, ha, ha, Jean Valjean…

INSPECTOR JAVERT: Javert Talkin’

To the tune of “Jive Talkin'”

It’s just me, Javert talkin’
I’m telling’ no lies
Javert talkin’
I wear one disguise
Javert talkin’
I’m misunderstood
Javert talkin’
Just trust me I’m good

Oh Valjean, you’ll never know
Just what you mean to me
Oh Valjean, your strength is too much
You’re gonna take me out of my line of duty

It’s just me, Javert talkin’
And you told me some lies, yeah,
You’re escapin’
Is getting me tired
I’m held hostage, free me anyway
Coz it’s just Javert talking’
I commit suicide

BONUS TRACK, FANTINE: Kiliti

To the tune of “Kiliti” by D’Bodies, from a tweet by Thysz Estrada

May kiliti ba kayo? Hihihihi…

Valjean? Ah, ah!
Valjean? Ah, ah!

Ang tipo kong guy kung ako’y mamatay
Merong malasakit, bigay na bigay
May galos ng posas ang kanyang kamay
Kung magsakripisyo, hindi aaray

Kahit makalbo, kahit mabungal
Sa kanyang kabaitan, maiinlab ka
Sa sobrang saklap, tumirik ang aking mata

Valjean, may kiliti ako Jean, Valjean
Javert relax ka lang, may kiliti ako Jean, ay ay ay

Valjean, may kiliti ako Jean, Valjean
Javert relax ka lang, may kiliti ako Jean, ay ay ay

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
Kiliti, kiliti
Ahh ahh

Dati siyang preso, naging aking amo
Buo ang loob na tulungan ako
Kahit ako’y natanggal sa aking trabaho
Anak ko’y kinupkop nang pumanaw ako

Kahit umubo, kahit humingal
Pangako niya sa kin ay bumubukal
Sa sobrang saklap, tumirik ang aking mata

Valjean, may kiliti ako Jean, Valjean
Javert relax ka lang, may kiliti ako Jean, ay ay ay

Valjean, may kiliti ako Jean, Valjean
Javert relax ka lang, may kiliti ako Jean, ay ay ay

Valjean, may kiliti ako Jean

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