How the Bishop Stole Halloween

* – Inspired by this story.  Wrote this in the style, method, and theme “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” by Theodor Seuss Geisel, in a poorly-executed manner.

Every kid down the village liked Halloween a lot
But the Bishop up his Church, however, did not.

It happened every October Thirty-First
The kids in their costumes, out their doors they burst.
Some dressed like ghosts, clutching pails shaped like pumpkins;
Little zombies and vampires, the scary little munchkins.
Knocking on doors of houses, saying, “Trick or treat!”
And a handful of candy for the scary kids they meet.

“This madness must stop!” the Bishop said:
His eyes bulging wide, his face turning red.
Every year the kids walk by without offering Mass,
They’re all after the candy from the houses they pass.
“It’s the work of the Devil!” the old priest exclaimed
He was angry, mad, and even inflamed.

He stared at the Churchyard, his eyebrows in knots
He preached at his pulpit, hating the tots
“They’re just after the sweets, and dress up like the dead
They don’t go to Church and they harden their heads!
Curse Halloween!  What to do about it now,
I must stop this madness, but then again, how?”

The Bishop woke up early with hammer and nail
He went about his plan, for sure without fail.

He shut the doors of the candy store for the first time that day
And threw all the taffy-twisters out into the bay.
He burned all jack-o-lanterns and scarecrows on his path
And the plastic skeletons and rubber witches met his wrath.
He trampled on the chocolates, he crushed all the pralines
He flushed down the toilet the truffles and jellybeans.
He hated Halloween, he hated it so much so
That he raided the kids’ closets, and the costumes were first to go.

The adults woke up to the noise of the priest
Who stampeded on the decorations like a rampaging beast.

They were shocked, and asked the Bishop, “What have you done?
What right do you have to spoil the kids’ fun?”
One mother asked, “Father, do you really know
Every Halloween, where our kids’ candies go?”
And the Bishop was startled by the wailing on the building near
It was the Church’s orphans crying, there was no candy this year.

And the little children looked on, clutching their empty buckets
No marzipans, no mints, no gobstoppers or nougats.
What can the Bishop do, there was no candy anymore
What was once a happy day is now a sad and dull bore.

Then the Bishop had a big idea that came to his head
If there was no candy, he’ll make them instead!
Out came the sugar-sacks, the syrup, the jams
The coconuts and peanuts, the almonds and yams!
The bishop boiled, dried, simmered, and baked
Lollipops, sticks, taffy, rock candy, and sweet cakes!

And in that village, Halloween was not about candy
Or expensive costumes, or just about being scary.
When the Bishop realized Halloween is all about fun –
And the children realized that God’s will must be done.

The kids and the Bishop enjoyed their candy that day
As for me, this is the last time I’ll write this way.

3 thoughts on “How the Bishop Stole Halloween

  1. Hahaha. It doesn’t work because the sound of Christmas clashes with the sense of Halloween. Also, after Rizal created Padre Damaso, all other Filipino writers have been hard put to portray priests and bishops, let alone invent another!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *