Pre-Adolescent Lyric Poetry

I believe that children should use big words early in life.  They must be taught to be highfalutin, for them to be able to grasp the complexity of the English language.  Simplicity invalidates the wealth of terminologies within the paradigmatic pool, forcing us to make syntagmatic constructions that invariably result in the misconstruction of what we communicate.  Nothing can concretize the validity of this argument that the repetitiveness of so-called “nursery rhymes,” that only facilitate the continued miseducation of our children.  Without being properly acquainted with lexical possibilities during the formative phases of basic education, we ourselves give rise to the jejemon in our midst.

Poetry, taught to our offspring at such a crucial stage in development, can sometimes be devoid of the necessary elements for them to innately process and configure the algorithmic relationships between elements of language.  Language is a procedural facility; we must be able to conscienticize our children early for them to understand that simplicity is in fact idiocy.  By reconfiguring the pre-school plantilla to trigger the accelerated improvement in the Language Acquisition Device, we can mitigate the consequences of simple-minded, plebeian use of language.

In the spirit of cyber-telematic action, I have selected some of these so-called “nursery rhymes” and revised them in such a way that our children will not turn into morons who cannot hold up a good argument in the new battlegrounds of the Information Age.  So please, join me in the spirit of linguistic conscientização.

This Diminutive Porcine

This diminutive porcine travelled to the building block of capitalist free trade,
While another diminutive porcine elected to remain at his abode,
Yet another diminutive porcine had roast beef,
And yet another diminutive porcine was temporarily deprived of commestibles.
The remaining diminutive porcine squealed in onomatopeia all the way to his domicile.

Three Typhlotic Mice

Three typhlotic mice, three typhlotic mice,
Observe how they scurry, observe how they scurry,
They all went in pursuit of the homesteader’s spouse,
Who amputated their balancing appendages with a specialized dining utility,
Have you ever perceived such an occurence in your existence
As three typhlotic mice?

Star Photon, Star Efflugent

Star Photon, Star Efflugent
The first star that I descry this evening
I yearn I may, I request I might
Have this longing I invoke this evening.

Infant on a Laterally Swinging Cradle

Infant on a laterally swinging cradle, on the apex of the arbor,
When the currents exert force on the immediate surroundings, the cradle will move laterally
When the branch fractures, the cradle will plummet
Following the rules of physics, the infant descends with the cradle and everything else supported by the branch.

Baa Baa Heavily Pigmented Sheep

Baa baa heavily pigmented sheep, are you in possession of any wool,
Yes sir, yes sir, three containers full,
One for the masculine potentate, one for the female sovereign
And one for the minoritized subaltern child who makes the passageway his residence.

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory dickory dock
The household rodent scampered up the apparatus determining temporal measurement
The apparatus aligned in the required angle to one o’clock
The household rodent scampered down
Hickory dickory dock.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the geological protuberance to fetch a vessel of water
Jack stumbled and broke his symbol of sovereignity
And Jill tumbled along the same path of force.

Youthful Miss Muffet

Youthful Miss Muffet ensconced herself on a tuffet
Consuming her products of the cheese-manufacturing process
Afterwards, an arachnid appeared
And plopped down beside her
And triggered the instinctive flight-or-fight response of Miss Muffet.

Mary Owned a Lilliputian Domesticated Sheep

Mary owned a Lilliputian domesticated sheep,
Lilliputian domestic sheep, Lilliputian domesticated sheep,
Mary owned a Lilliputian domesticated sheep
And its hooves were as achromic as winter precipitation.

Everywhere that Mary absconded,
Mary absconded, Mary absconded,
Everywhere that Mary absconded,
The domesticated sheep will indubitably accompany her.

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