Confessions of Måröchárîm III: I Am Politics

Useless disclaimer: the entry that follows is satire.  – Marocharim

The foot of space that exists between me and my computer monitor is made completely out of politics. The screen radiates politics: I am compelled to read news websites all day to keep myself abreast of really important issues. My very soul exudes politics: I have no living calling other than to be a shepherd to the ignorant, apolitical flock. My genius is underappreciated by petulant, passive, observers of no consequence to the grand scheme of the political and the social.

The truth is I’m not either, but the difference between the shepherd and the sheep is that I (shepherd) do the thinking for the animal (sheep). I blog about it and you don’t. So shut up, listen, and learn. You need my commentary: think of it as guidance. You come here seeking information, and my blog is the gate of Enlightenment. Purge yourself of the propaganda of the powerful. Think. Since you can’t, I’ll do all your thinking for you. Here, where issues matter.

I am compelled, every hour of every day, to make sense of the issues of the day. Yet at the end of the day, don’t opinions matter more than the facts?

The Mainstream Media (which will be referred to from hereonin as a proper noun) does not address the issues at the core of everything. I live, breathe, and crap out arguments. Arguments that matter. Any argument that does not agree with mine is a manifestation of a) misinformation, b) apathy, or c) complete and utter idiocy. I take pains to emphasize that I am not a journalist and an expert. Are you? I just know, that’s all.

The information fed to you by Mainstream Media, by so-called “top bloggers” and “popular bloggers,” and by irrelevant commenters, are misleading. Therefore, I remain glued to every RSS of news sites to rant about everything, because everything is symptomatic of every problem you have. Yes, I feed myself the same information I consider wrong. The only difference is, I commentarize it. Sensibly. Let me illustrate that for you. In charts… or demotivational posters.

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All your efforts in imitatio mimesis and verisimilitude are wrong, and I’m right. Consider: any other argument that does not follow my line of thought and my way of thinking only serves to reinforce old-fashioned ideas that rub our collective faces further into the dirt of suffering… which I don’t have to suffer. The vacuous expanse in your head cannot understand the fundamental truth of why these arguments come to the fore: these biased arguments are only the direct result of collusion and payolas, not the product of years of critical thinking. Isn’t it about time you started being a critical thinker? Like I am?

I am a critical thinker. I criticize. You don’t. You need me. You need Måröchárîm.

I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing this for the greater glory of mankind. If people thought more along the lines of how I do, the world would be a better place. You don’t need a President to save you. You are doomed. You should vote for who I’m voting for. I’m a modern-day Jeremiah, evangelizing my way of thinking, breaking the institutionalized ways of thinking we have, one at a time. Listen to me, and you’re on the path to saving yourself.

Truisms? I just justify the Truth.

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Go ahead. Read my blog. I expose the truth. Stop the presses: they don’t inform you, and even if they do, they don’t do a very good job at informing you at all. Isn’t it time someone like me made your opinion matter, heard you out, and explained your problems for you better than everyone else? Everyone else has indignations, but I give you solutions. Just sit there and read on. I’m all about truth, I’m all about making sense of things, I’m just saying what you always wanted to say.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

Reiteration of useless disclaimer: the entry above is satire.  – Marocharim. Last paragraph inspired by Sean O’Haire.

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3 thoughts on “Confessions of Måröchárîm III: I Am Politics

  1. This one’s my favorite part: “I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing this for the greater glory of mankind. If people thought more along the lines of how I do, the world would be a better place.”

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