Vetallano Acosta

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Vetallano Acosta.
(cue Spanish guitar strum)
Aged in oak barrels, for the finest in Spanish brandy.
(cue flamenco dancers)

Smooth, sophisticated, every sip comes alive.
(archetypal instrumental with guitars, castanets and clapping)
Vetallano Acosta, VSOP: Very Special, Only Pilipino.

All we know of Vetallano Acosta is that he is a Presidential candidate for the Kilusang Bagong Lipunan.  He is backed up by Jay Sonza of “Mel & Jay” fame; fallen from journalistic grace, as it seems, for endorsing some brand of rubbing alcohol many years back, and tried his hand at running for the Senate.  The small legion of Senatoriables for the KBL include, among their ranks, the one and only Imelda Papin.  Yet we know zero of a man who’s running for the Presidency.

Yet he is the man Noynoy Aquino wants disqualified; for reasons other than what Sixto Brillante and Juanito Arcilla have, I could only speculate on the power of sheer surprise.  Could he be more badass than Nick Perlas?  Does he have the power of a thousand Megatron clones that he can destroy Dick Gordon?  Does he have a fuller head of hair than JC Delos Reyes?  Is he the one kontrabida that Erap Estrada can’t beat in a bare-knuckle fight?  Is he more blessed than Eddie Villanueva?  Can he change the world faster and better than Jamby Madrigal?  Does he know of more possibilities than Gibo Teodoro?

Pardon the code-switch: baka siya na nga, at hindi si Villar, ang nakaligo sa dagat ng basura, at nakapag-Pasko pa sa gitna ng kalsada. We know next to nothing about the guy.

Yet you won’t see a Vetallano Acosta press conference, a meet-and-greet, or a campaign ad.  Vetallano Acosta doesn’t participate in debates; either ignored by organizers, or he “just doesn’t matter.”  My (haphazard) research indicates that he’s a businessman-slash-consultant.  Here’s a guy who got into the official list of Presidential candidates at the expense of my favorite candidate, Ely Pamatong.

Why?  It’s a confusing situation that lends itself well to anomaly and conspiracy.  Was he purposefully fielded for the sake of taking votes away from Noynoy?  Was he purposefully fielded for the sole purpose of banking on the stupidest of the stupid who vote for Presidentiables on the basis of who’s first up in the ballot?  Or is he just there, an ordinary citizen, with the sincere intention of being the catalyst for change and taking us out of the rut?

I do not think so, ladies and gentlemen.  The Presidency is far too important a position to even consider such juvenile intentions for an undertaking of that magnitude.

Vetallano Acosta: man of mystery.  For all this clamoring of platform and credentials and credibility from just about every candidate for the sake of pissing their supporters off or baiting ardent polemics in defense or to accuse each and every person out there of being a paid hack (cough, ah-rrrhm… ahrm, ahm, [clears throat] erhmm), nobody ever bothered with Vetallano Acosta: a legitimate, permitted, and party-backed Presidential candidate, in the same race as the Villars and the Aquinos and the Gordons and Estradas of this country’s political system.

Who is Vetallano Acosta?

What is his platform?

What is he going to do in his first 100 days?

And really important questions, like who would win in an epic battle between this guy…

and this guy:

Boto kami kay Bro.

Let me openly invite Mr. Vetallano Acosta to some idle chit-chat.  The poverty of our choices this year may, just may, make Vetallano Acosta that extremely crucial and important alternative we could – and should – consider in May 2010… considering that in the first few sentences of this entry, the alternative no-cost, no-frills campaign for Vetallano Acosta has probably already started.

* – image from

2 comments on “Vetallano Acosta”

    • Enrico
    • March 4, 2010

    One thing is clear: Mr.Vetallano Acosta doesnt know what he is doing or what he’s up to. I saw an interview of him this week on tv and its like watching a jackass who doesnt have any clear platform or plans in case a miracle happens and he wins (I’ll slit my throat if he will). Come on Mr. Acosta, God is watching.

    • sam
    • February 5, 2012

    enrico… in case vetallano acosta, though not a president of the RP will rise and develop some part of the Philippines? Will you slit your throat in public? Abangan… baka hanggang salita ka lang and can’t even bleed the skin of your throat!

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