Stuff You Should Get Me For Christmas

It’s that time of the year again where the thought counts more than the gift itself… or something like it, so I become the unwilling recipient of scented candles, mugs, and picture frames.  See, it’s not that difficult to get me a gift.  If the store sells alcohol and cigarettes, then you can find a perfectly good gift that you can give me for Christmas.

Yet no matter how much I emphasize the “you-can-make-me-happy-with-vice” motto, nobody gets me a ream of cigarettes or a bottle of whiskey for the holidays.  All I ever really wanted for Christmas was something for me to smoke and something for me to drink, but some people insist on playing through my “mysteriousness” and “intellect.”

Last Christmas, I got copies of “The Purpose-Driven Life,” “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul,” two copies of “The Alchemist,” and a paperback version of “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”  After talking to my givers who seemed to not have a problem with what I was going to do, I promptly re-gifted the gifts.  Potlatched, so to speak, revolving round the Kula ring.

Instead of thinking hard – or not thinking at all, for that matter – I decided I only want five things for Christmas:

Steampunk glasses. I will look good in them.  The extra lenses will come in handy for peering into documents, or whatever I feel like peering into.  Plus they look awesome.

Flamethrower. I had it up to here with disposable cigarette lighters.  They’re useful for smoking, but I need something to pursue my other hobby: destruction.  With a flamethrower, I can smoke and destroy stuff.

Zhu Zhu Pets. They’re toy hamsters.  On wheels.  With cars.  Children half a world away are clamoring for these cute little stuffed critters.  Heck, I’m clamoring for them.  GET ME A ZHU ZHU PET!!!

Slinky. The metal ones, not the plastic rainbow-colored ones.

Clairol Herbal Essences. Yeah, I’m having a minor hairfall problem, so I’m going to need quite a lot of these.

Anyway, there you go.  Go make me happy, lulz.

5 thoughts on “Stuff You Should Get Me For Christmas

  1. If you find any Steampunk glasses for sale in your general area, tell me. I’ll buy you one and I’ll buy myself one too. xD

  2. Steampunk glasses!
    Amazing, though they would probably get in the way when used day-to-day.

    Zhu Zhu pets intrigue me.
    I went to malls just yesterday to buy toys/gifts for little cousins/inaanaks and the like. And there was just a huge pillar of Zhu Zhu pet sets. There were round things and towers and stuff I could use to recreate 10:1 replica of Kandor.

    But there wasn’t a single ZHu Zhu pet on sale.

  3. siyempre ngayon ko lang narinig ang Zhuzhu pets.

    dapat meron kang “eyeglasses repair kit” para just in case randomly masira (ulit) ang eyeglasses mo. 🙂 maybe i should get one of those for you come Christmas! kris kringle time, internetz version! lol

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