Ely Pamatong: A Spike to the Presidency

By in

When it comes to lawyerly-ness, it’s hard to dispute the (self-proclaimed) credentials of Atty. Ely Pamatong.  An “international laywer,” Ely Pamatong is, for all intents and purposes, better than notaries public who hold office in the corners of eateries, law students, paralegals, law professors, and average ordinary lawyers.  Backed up by the Philippine-US Guerilla, this fine specimen of political will is poised to – once again – run for the highest office in the land.

Pamatong is not one to invoke survey ratings and motherhood statements, unlike his predecessors and competitors.  Pamatong scored a 92% rating in the American Bar Exams, is a graduate of the University of the Philippines and Silliman University, and is an undefeated debater in his college years.  He may not be a billionaire, but he has a brain.

Punyeta, wala ni isa sa inyo ang nakaisip nun.  Wala kasi kayong mga utak!

Ladies and gentlemen, in the past months of pre-campaign campaigning, there was not a single presidentiable who has highlighted the importance of the brain – every lobe of it – in this exercise of democracy.  It was all about the usual pipe dreams and canned phrases: platforms, the first 100 days, scandals, heart.  Ely By-God Pamatong is driving a spike into this election season, and is running for the Presidency of the Philippines.

You see, when Spike Pamatong threw those caltrops in major roads in Manila years ago, he didn’t do it to annoy the masses.  He was spreading a message.  He wanted us to take a pause in the hurly-burly of our lives.  He wanted to make a statement: a sharp wit is needed in the Presidency.  We should stop taking these blunt expressions and demand a point from our our leaders.  Platforms, programs, and whatever you do in your first 100 days do not reside in your corporeal, physical form.  No one is born with a platform and an agenda, we all live for the now.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the spirit of the Ely Pamatong candidacy.  For once in our lives, let us vote for someone who makes a very explicit point: that he has a brain.

US statehood for the Philippines?  Pamatong – with his brain – is out to resolve a centuries-old historical dilemma that has pervaded our cultural consciousness.  It’s simple, really: if the seeds of Filipino destruction is sown by the Filipino himself, then we must revert back to our American masters and colonizers.  A remedy that is well within reason, well within the strategy – not tactics, strategy – of improving our lot in lives that we might as well burn every single darned disgusting obsolete jeepney in the Philippines that the fires may glow as the 51st star in the flag of the United Goddamn States of Motherfreaking America.

(Ah-ahmmm.  Cough.  [Clears throat] ah-hurmmm.  [Drinks water]  Urhmm.)

The man is so intent on good governance and public administration that he will file disqualification charges against every single candidate without a platform.  Begone with these motherhood statements.  Away with these vague, non-detailed, irrelevant programs that will set us back 50 years into our progress towards American statehood.  Respectable, intelligent platforms – platforms made with the benefit of a brain – should take center stage.

It is from the cortex of the brain that we grow a spine.  That is what Ely Pamatong explicitly says he has.  No other Presidential candidate has stepped forward to say that he or she has a brain.  Is it because of fear?  Insecurity?  Or perhaps an absence of a brain?  It’s time to bring the brains back into the operation.  It’s time to spike this presidency up.

As he himself says:

If people with no money to launch a nationwide campaign are declared nuisance, then with more reason those who have no brains should be viewed as worse than nuisance in the eyes of the law.

Truer words have never been spoken by a guy who, in the face of national trimedia, makes an explicit statement in saying that he has a brain.

For all intents and purposes will be disqualified, but hey, he’ll always be a spike in my Google Analytics charts.

(Oh, and you have any more “nuisance candidates” for me, just lemme know, ayt?  Cool!)

9 comments on “Ely Pamatong: A Spike to the Presidency”

    • tina
    • November 28, 2009

    LOL. XD more! more!

  1. Reply

    More indeed.

    It’d also be great if you could do pieces on the ‘lesser’ candidates like Perlas, et al. Not necessarily humour ones like this, but any will do.
    I’m sure a good bunch of people want to know your thoughts on them.

    Is there some way I can ‘subscribe’ to comments on certain posts here?

    1. Reply


      I’ve done quite a few posts on Nick Perlas already. Just search for them, they’re somewhere here. 🙂

      You can subscribe to both my comment and blog RSS feeds through the RSS channel on the site sidebar, by the way. 🙂

  2. Reply

    Okay okay.
    Will do. 🙂

  3. Reply

    Ei Marck! How about JC Delos Reyes and Bro. Eddie Villanueva? They’re not actually nuisance but I think your thoughts on them would be a good read. 🙂

    • cris
    • January 21, 2010

    I like Pamatong! he has vision and will! Mabuhay ka!

    • Grandeur P.G. Guerrero, BSCr, CSP
    • January 21, 2010

    Mr. Marocharim, God had already blessed you and is continuing to bless you because he has given you the wisdom to fully understand the unorthodox ways of Atty. Elly V. Pamatong. It just happened that most of our countrymen sees the likes of Atty. Pamatong as a nuisance presidential candidate or as a clown and comedian but hey, the guy is really serious in offering his self to this pathetic country of ours and to fully overhaul the stinking socio-political system that had already engulfed most of us. If we would only delve deeper, these “trapos”/movie actors/corrupt government officials that most of our countrymen idolize are the real nuisance. It’s not Atty. Pamatong! The guy is clean, has the brains, has the “balls”, the heroic guts and the excellent platform of government eversince to change this country of ours. He is the exact opposite of the “politicos”/public servants that we know and were used to accept since the time we were given the chance to be independent. To hell with the person who mouthed the political statement “I WOULD RATHER PREFER A GOVERNMENT RUN LIKE HELL BY THE FILIPINOS, RATHER THAN A GOVERNMENT RUN LIKE HEAVEN BY THE AMERICANS”. The statement seemed to turn into a supplication that indeed, God answered it and gave us hell in the company of the political “wolves”. Eversince and up to the present crop of crooks vying for different political positions, kahit na sino pa ang maupo sa kanila, pare-pareho lang ang mga iyan…”PURO MGA MAGNANAKAW AT MGA WALA TALAGANG ALAM SA PAGPAPATAKBO NG BANSA NA TULUYAN TAYONG IBABAON SA KUMUNOY NA TILA ATIN PANG IKINALILIGAYA NA NANGYAYARI AT MANGYAYARI PA SA ATIN!”. I feel sorry for Atty. Pamatong that these political/government crooks does not give him a chance to take part in the electoral process. But I do understand why they do such things to Atty. Pamatong. They are so afraid that if ever Atty. Pamatong would rise into power, they will be included in the long line of proven and guilty crooks who will be shot to death by firing squad in Luneta. They know that because the guy openly states such bold warnings and it seems that affected crooks senses that it shall really be done by Atty. Pamatong if given the chance. Just by looking at the towering figure of the said guy and at his militaristic aura, “MUKHANG HINDI NAGBIBIRO SI ATTY. PAMATONG!!! Look at what he did yesterday (20 January 2010) inside the COMELEC Office, he directly called the Commissioners as “MGA MAGNANAKAW” for dismissing the petition to disqualify former President Joseph Estrada who is bent on running again for the same position. Who among the present presidentiables has the nerve to call proven government crooks as mga “MAGNANAKAW” at point blank? “WALA SA KANILA ANG MAY KAKAYAHAN NA GAWIN ANG GINAWA NI ATTY. PAMATONG”. And for verbally assaulting the so called-“honorable” Commissioners, the guy was slapped with a 10-day imprisonment inside the Manila City Jail not because of “contempt of court” but because they got hurt when Atty. Pamatong told the “F—ING TRUTH”. “NAGKAHIYAAN NA KAYA HAYUN, IPINAKULONG NILA ANG ISANG TAO NA WALA NAMANG GINAWANG KRIMEN”. In the eyes of most of our countrymen, “ISANG BAYANI NGAYON SI ATTY. PAMATONG!!!” Just like General Danny Lim, Colonel Querubin, Senator Trillanes and many others who bravely and squarely exposed the evils of our government officials, I wished that “DUMAMI PA SANA ANG LAHI NI ATTY. ELLY VELEZ PAMATONG!!!”. “GOD, PLEASE SAVE THE PHILIPPINES!!!

  4. Reply

    Only one voice is heared by the magnanakaws. A million shouts are kept by the agonizing Filipinos. Scared of exposing the real truth that’s going on in and out of the Philippine government systems. We need people like this guy who has the morale and courage for change. Everyone was stunned of his comment because it bears truth. As the saying goes, “It’s hard to be right when the government is wrong.” You can be branded a rebel, a leftist, a filibuster, an obstacle to progress, and other more titles they can impose . He may not win as a president but certainly, he can never be forgotten in the COMELEC.

  5. Pingback: The Conspiracy of Winnability Against Dominador Chipeco « The Marocharim Experiment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *