In a way – in many ways, at that – I made Nicanor Perlas.
A group of foreigners and expats have a Ning group where the Nick “Badass” Perlas campaign has apparently gone full force: in many ways, “Badass” is now a new marketing campaign for a Presidentiable no one knows, much less cares about. I like to believe that I caught on the badassery by osmosis: I am not campaigning for Perlas, but in a way – in many ways, at that – I am. I am satirizing and openly mocking his campaign, but in a way – in many ways, at that, I’m not. See what I mean?
With that said, I am not the online campaign manager for Perlas 2010, but Nick Perlas is such a badass that I actually became his spokesman without me knowing it. That’s how badass he is. Forget illusionists that vanish into thin air, or fashion models that take off their underpants while they’re still wearing trousers: anyone who can actually speak for me is a freakin’ badass.
So I went back to the planet Krypton… I mean, Nick Perlas’ site, and found a load of new stuff for me to mock and un-mock, since badassery – like an integer in an equation – is transitive and commutative. So I found a platform… no, Six (Fucken’) Pillars. To understand why this is wicked freakin’ awesome, Simeon Stylites I stood on a lot of pillars, but Perlas can stand on six at the same time. That’s why it’s called a platform. DUH.
Anyway, let’s go.
Our first pillar aims to Eradicate Poverty and Enhance Quality of Life for all, through, among others, a vibrant broad-based economy, social justice and peace.
I don’t know what Nick Perlas means by a broad-based economy, but in terms of badass broads, there’s always Stripperella. Broad-based economics, social justice, peace.
Our second pillar therefore seeks to Advance Moral and Effective Governance in all institutions of society and all situations in life.
Ah, the “tearing of the social fabric.” Nick Perlas is afraid that pervasive corruption will rupture the hearts and minds of the Filipinos. And when it comes to ripping fabric, Nick Perlas is Clark Kent. When elected in 2010… he’s Superman.
Moving on to (Fucken’) Pillar 3:
Our third pillar seeks to Uphold the Integrity of Creation and respectfully partner with it as our source of life.
Of course, this has nothing to do with God-centered platforms, but the environment. The power of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and yes, even freakin’ Heart, will all combine and yeah, Nick Perlas is your very own:
Captain Planet. Now if the Nick Perlas 2010 ever wanted an effective branding strategy, there you have it.
Hmmm, Pillar Four.
Our fourth pillar seeks to Build Partnerships for Social Justice. We want to introduce a new approach to real participatory governance and authentic democracy.
What we need are visionary leaders who will listen to our problems, have the political will to handle them, and act on them fast. And in turn our leaders need to have awesome talking gun-slinging horses as their partners in social justice.
Yep, Nick Perlas is Bravestarr. We’re all Thirty/Thirty.
Let’s head to Pillar Five…
The fifth pillar strives to Promote Creative Education and Inner Change.
Nick Perlas wants to draw out (I’m using his words here) our talents, intelligences, and potentials. Inner change. Without that, we will not be able to handle the forces that seek to destroy us.
On a side note, that’s how you market a President. “Lahat Tayo Perlas,” or verbose PR in NGOese, pales in comparison to making him dress in a cloak, making a lightsaber out of the Alternative Nobel Prize he won, and make him cosplay Obi-Wan Kenobi.
And then finally, the sixth pillar of the platform aims to Mainstream Visionary Initiatives.
Oh, this one’s easy.
What, I’m just saying. Then again, it’s what I do not say that matters, lest you fall into the trap of the traditional notions of literacy.