Hot Emo Girl, You Make My Rockin' World Go Round
I never thought I’d say it, but emo girls are hot.
Sexist? Objectifying? Demeaning to the struggle of women for equal rights and recognition? No, I’m just saying.
I think that things like unrequited love, melancholia, and expressions treading the line of philosophical and emotional are more feminine than masculine. The emo archetype simply doesn’t work for dudes, unless you’re willing to be branded a self-mutilating pussy for the wrist… I mean, rest, of your life. Yet I think I speak for a good segment of menfolk when I say that there’s something attractive about emo chicks:
- Heavy makeup. At any point in time, women will look better in heavy makeup (like eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara) than men ever will. Case in point: KISS. Besides, from what I’ve noticed, emo girls have a better sense of how to apply makeup better than tgsh-tgsh-tgsh party girls stuck in the last days of disco.
- Camera poses. The classic top-view emo shot always works better on girls than they do boys. Believe me, I’ve tried. Girls will always look cute and, yes, vulnerable, with the top-view emo shot. Guys will look like Santa’s Little Helper looking up to Homer in a Christmas episode of The Simpsons.
- Dress sense. There’s something about striped knee-high socks, checkered sneakers, Chucks, and grungy-rocky outfits that will have any guy do a double-take. Pink and black? Mmmhmm, heart attack. All those piercings add to the sexy.
- World-view. Oh, your suicidal tendencies, your pessimism, your nega outlook in life, your wrist-slashing, your need to be loved… you’re adorable, sweetheart. Let me comfort you in your pain. Let us burn together in the flickering embers of unrequited romance until sunshine turns into the icy darkness of the new moon.
The anthropologist Alfred Kroeber (zing!) writes that changes in fashion are non-genetic, and determined by structures as much as they are determined by choices that are, in fact, determined by structures. Instead of one great idea or the direct influence of the media, trends and fashion are a result of developing and organizing stuff together to create patterns, structures, behaviors, and yes, sexiness.
The hot emo girl, following Kroeber, is the result of a cumulative, shared past of hotness, patterned after instances and innovations that improve on teh sexy. Instead of someone making pa-uso, the current “hot” is the parallel result – the summation – of a history of beauty, allure, and attractiveness. To get to something hotter, we have to improve on it.
Like all things, though, this “Emo Chicks are Hot” phase is temporary, and not really something for us 24-year-old types to consider. There’s always the hot librarian type with dorky glasses and hair tied up in a bun. Or that meek office girl with killer looks… if you look long enough. I guess we wait for the next evolution and trend of sexy…
Emo librarian-y office-girl types. I’m just saying. Are you gonna take me home tonight / Ah, down beside that red firelight… Are you gonna let it all hang out / Hot emo girl, you make my rockin’ world go round.
* – Image sourced from here. Yes, that’s “Fat Bottomed Girls” by Queen. I would have used a Mercyful Fate song title, but nah.