X-List: Party-List Representation

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The goal of the Philippine party-list system has always been to give marginalized and under-represented sectors in the country the opportunity to have a voice in that karaoke bar called the Batasang Pambansa.  However, I’ve always been under the impression that many party-list organizations are a) front organizations for causes already represented in Congress, or b) organizations that are are not truly marginalized and under-represented, or c) the Commission on Elections turns to an elitist conspiracy who monopolizes the people’s choices in their democracy.

Reading the news on how the COMELEC barred the “Alyansa ng mga Sabungero” from the party-list game, when RA 7941 is very clear on what qualifies for party-list organizations.  So for the benefit of the grossly under-represented organizations and groups in the Philippines who are being denied their one shot and their one vote (I mean that in so many ways; a vote is still a vote, and you don’t call COMELEC Commissioners by their nicknames over the phone to protect a million of them), here are five under-represented organizations in the Philippines whom I believe deserve a shot at the party-list system.

Here we go!

1.  Nagkakaisang Partido ng mga Ander da Sayang Kalalakihan sa Pilipinas (NAPA-ANDER)

  • “Let’s up the skirt of gender equality.”

With all due respect for women’s rights advocates, I think it’s high time that henpecked men organize and start asserting their right to wear the pants in the family, or at least to share.  Thanks to the dogmatic over-assertion of women’s rights from economic choices down to the sex act (i.e., no sex), NAPA-ANDER seeks to restore dignity and honor to the rights of henpecked men who have, for the longest time, lived under the skirt of impunity.  NAPA-ANDER’s informal membership numbers to the millions who have long been subjugated and victimized by the unreasonable demands of their wives, second wives, mistresses, and sexcretaries.

2.  Lh0n3lYh3aRtZ ClAn

  • “PaRtId0wH p0wH nAm3n t0h PlS v0te 4 uS kkkk Jejejeje”

The youth are almost always grossly misrepresented by people older than them.  Everyone’s “pro-youth,” without understanding the cultural dynamic and political understanding of the future of the country.  The Lh0n3lYh3aRtZ ClAn seeks to subvert that “di-nyo-kasi-kami-maintindihan” impression, and brings the youth to where the politics is.  The Lh0n3lYh3aRtZ ClAn will revolutionize Philippine politics by turning sessions to eyeballs, by writing resolutions in sTiCkYcApS that would be easy for their friends to understand, and will promote the use of glittertext in schools all over the country.  Don’t worry, it will be fairly easy to spell out the name of the party when elections are finally automated.

3.  Kalipunan ng mga Makabayang Manggagahasa (SEX PARTY)

  • “Makabayang kahalayan, para sa ikauunlad ng bayan.”

If there’s any one misrepresented group of people in the Philippines, it would be this country’s nationalistic rapists.  Stigmatized and forever confined to misleading psychiatry of legislation, the SEX PARTY is not a lobby group that will aim to legalize rape, but to emphasize the role of rape in nation-building.  Whether it’s for the 15-year-old dalaginding, the 20-year-old bebot, or the 66-year-old lola, these musketeers and cannoneers of patriotic molesters will not further rape the country as some other politicians do, but will turbocharge our progress; for us to milk and juice the fruit of a happiness only to be found in heaven on earth.

4.  Philippine Republican Organization for Emos (PRO-EMO)

  • “A broken country hurts more than a broken heart.”

No group of people are more marginalized and shunned in the project for national progress than the emos.  With their sophisticated organizational skills (you can’t get any group of people to hang out in a public place for that long), PRO-EMO feels more for this country than you ever will.  PRO-EMO dispenses and disposes of traditional political legalese and political taekwondo, and relies on the emotions that could make Inang Laya’s boyfriends slash their wrists in their helplessness to not be able to even take a whiff of the smell of unrequited love.  Yep, raw emotion in the Batasan, none of that rhetorical “Is there anyone else?” questioning that takes place in interpellations.

5.  Alyansa ng mga Nagkukunwaring Bakla (PA-GAY)

  • “Di man akez badet, ang tunay na progress, ating mage-get.”

With the rise of parties like Ang Ladlad, it’s high time that organizations start representing straight people who want gay rights, but retain their sexual orientation.  Whether we like it or not, disagree with it or not, there are people out there who want to be gay, but want nothing to do with homosexual preferences.  PA-GAY realizes and recognizes the existence of this marginalized group, and seeks to address this political void by creating a platform based on gay rights as human rights, but for people who don’t want anything to do with the practice of being gay.  PA-GAY does not seek to trivialize gay issues, as much as it wants to help bring gay issues to the fore, without having to take a strong position on anything gay like that.  PA-GAY’s advocacy caters to the actual pa-gay population of the Philippines which is, again, grossly misrepresented.

I’m sure that you probably have party ideas of your own, and I’m sure that at least one of these parties will get your vote.  Now if only the COMELEC will reverse their ruling on that cockfighting party… I still need to bet on one of them cocks.

Sa tupada ng pagboto, pula o puti lang ang mananalo.  Para sa mga isang kahig at isang tuka, konting himas lang, lalaban na.  Alyansa ng Sabungero: Manok Natin sa Kongreso.

All they need is good PR, really.

8 comments on “X-List: Party-List Representation”

  1. Reply

    you forgot SISIG – ALAK – SMB!

    • Ade
    • August 19, 2009
    Reply

    SEX PARTY, you have my vote.

  2. Reply

    Make me Pro-Emo’s official nominee plox. Kthnxbai. /wrist

  3. Reply

    @jester: the plight of the lH0n3lYh3aRtZ cLaN is secondary to that.

    @ade: my vote is torn between SEX PARTY and NAPA-ANDER.

    @ria: you have come to a blog with the perfect readership for that campaign.

  4. Reply

    I’m partial towards Partidong Umaagapay sa Koryanang Inaapi, myself.

  5. Pingback: License to Love – The Marocharim Experiment

    • Bhoytorrentino
    • January 13, 2010
    Reply

    SAKAMA-SAmahang Kapal Mang-agaw Asawa
    “The other women’s Party”

    • Bhoytorrentino
    • January 13, 2010
    Reply

    Smelly Uncut People Of Tralala.

    “Itigil ang marahas at madugong pagtutuli”

    Qoute by: Manoling M.

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