Last Order to an Ex-Gay (?) Penguin

I love weird news.

I personally think it’s anthropocentric to call penguins or other animals gay just because of a same-sex relationship.  Sexuality, as we know it and practice it, is a social construct; society, in its strictest sense, is not something animals are not capable of constructing.  When faced with news like this, though, you have an inner sense of personal Schadenfreude. I can bend the rules a bit.

The Philippine Daily Inquirer, of all places, ran a story on a gay penguin couple in San Francisco.  When Harry met Pepper, they fell in love.  They lived together for six years, holding each other’s wings, waddling side by side by the rocks, engaging in friendly fishing trips by the man-made lake.  Yet last Friday, Harry moved in with the recently-widowed female penguin Linda, leaving his ex-partner-for-life alone, betrayed, and so un-fabulous.

Of course, the anti-homosexual Christian folks are saying that nature prefers heterosexual relationships.  I don’t know what’s weirder: gay penguins, or people talking about how nature prefers homosexual relationships but cites the same preference for animal cannibalism.  Or the kind of homophobia that comes with obsessing yourself with “faggot.”  In French, that would be fagot, or “bundle of sticks.”

Let me speak (by that I mean write) here in terms of personal experience: almost every girl I have been associated with in a romantic sense has had a lesbian phase.  Three months after I broke up with my ex (who always happened to have a penguin doll… this is so made of LOL), she had a long-term relationship with a lesbian partner.  I’ve had a long-standing MU with another girl once, and she had a relationship with another girl.  I’ve had many gay friends who had relationships with people of the opposite sex.

I’m sure that Linda and Harry will find happiness together, like the people I know, but we all knew what happened in Brokeback Mountain: Ennis and Jack always had a fishing trip.  Pepper may wish he knew how to quit Harry, but then again, there isn’t a shortage of possibly homosexual penguins out there.  You never know.  All you have to do is look around.

The last order to an ex-gay penguin named Harry will probably be that he’ll grow to love Linda, but will always have a special place in his heart for Pepper.  Not every human – or penguin – love story has a happy ending, but everything does fall into place.

It’s not because of gayness or anything like that, but because such is the way of the heart… be it human or penguin.

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