Happy Eggs

By in

From the weird news vaults of the Telegraph: the Happy Egg Company (now that’s what I call branding) is now selling pre-cooked, ready-to-peel, ready-to-eat eggs to that segment of the British population who don’t know how to boil and peel eggs.  Dubbed “Happy Boiled Eggs,” the eggs are perfectly cooked, hermetically sealed, and are great for picnics and packed lunches.

I was secretly wishing for the next best thing in marijuana-infused cuisine, or the next joke about bollocks.  Yet not since the days of solar power flashlights and whack-a-mole alarm clocks have I seen an innovation so… useful.

Do you just plop an egg into a pot of boiling water, and poof, boiled egg?  Nope.  There are cookbooks that detail the boiling of perfect eggs, and egg-cookers sold on TV always come with egg slicers.  Say what you will about the decadence of the West; you can even chalk up pre-cooked hermetically-sealed eggs to the list of cultural extinction, but egg-eating is definitely easier than egg cooking.  I don’t know how many fragments of eggshells have made their way to my scrambled eggs, and I did get confined for a few days for eating half-raw eggs.  Or half-cooked.  It says a lot about my outlook in life.

I don’t know about British tastes, but the Filipino palate is accustomed to pre-cooked eggs.  While we don’t have animal inspectors who have expert knowledge on hen behavior (there’s more to kahig at tuka than meets the eye), we have perfected pre-cooked eggs in the way of balut, penoy, and itlog na maalat. There’s still a lot of cracking and peeling involved, though, and the eggs aren’t happy.

I sometimes wonder if eggs would mutate to turn into those little plastic toy eggs you get from gumball machines.   That makes peeling and cooking a lot easier.  Egg vending machines… now that’s a great idea.  Never mind the bollocks, and never mind the flatulence.

Happiness, as they say, is an egg.  I just find that statement funny.  Singing and dancing eggs in Flash cosplay, FTW.

* – Image sourced from The Broken Plate.  They’re so cute!  – Marocharim

4 comments on “Happy Eggs”

  1. Reply

    as they say? says who? haven’t heard that one yet 😛

    *cute*ness! ^^ this post is pretty lighthearted, compared to your usual stuff. much appreciated. 😀

    do you watch jamie oliver on tv? he has this show where he tries to get british people to learn cooking… but it turns out that some of them don’t know how to boil water ^^; making hard-boiled eggs takes some practice, but boiling water… that’s just sad. 😐

  2. Reply

    Want an MP3 copy of The Egg Song? :-p

  3. Reply

    @lockechan : this post was lighthearted? woot, lol. i do watch jamie oliver but i don’t understand why my girl friends find him sexy. i can’t cook to save my life, but i can boil water.

    @arbet : e-mail me that song. lol

    • meia
    • July 8, 2009

    Ano ba yan, katamaran. I rather like soft-boiled eggs myself, with a little salt and pepper.

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