Showbiz Shootin': The Woman Who Was Hugotized From My Tadyangizer

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I’m posting Marian Rivera’s picture here because I feel like it.

Anyway, PEP.ph – my source for fair and balanced reporting in local showbiz – reports that on February 2, 2009, GMA-7 will launch its newest primetime soap offering: Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa Aking Tadyang. It’s an adaptation of a Carlo J. Caparas graphic novel, which was first made into a film in 1988 starring Vivian Velez…

Wait a second; let’s run by that again: Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa Aking Tadyang. That’s a bit of a mouthful, isn’t it?  And in an online showbiz community that thrives on abbreviations (like, “MSKM” for Maging Sino Ka Man, “IPL” for Iisa Pa Lamang, among other things… sorry for using ABS-CBN examples), could the abbreviation “ABHSAT” work?

Before anything else, let me explain something about Pinoy television.  Here in the Philippines, there is no such thing as a soap opera – or a TV program, most especially a noontime game show – that fails.  There are only ratings that say one channel is better than the other.  Those ratings, in turn, are one of two things: unreliable, or rigged.  If you’re watching a locally-produced TV program that fails, that is not number one, or does not have high ratings, you’re not watching Filipino TV.  You’re probably getting aerial reception from our Taiwanese friends.

But yeah… ABHSAT?

Marian will be playing the role of “Proserfina,” the love interest of Dingdong Dantes, who plays the role of “Homer.”  OK, here’s the cinch; I’ve made more than my own fair share of bordering-on-unfair Dingdong Dantes jokes over the years (the least of which involves a certain brand of mixed nuts), but I’m thinking along the lines of this guy…

dingdong-dantes-bench-0

Playing the role of this guy.

OK.  That’s not one of the better ideas I have had, but his name is “Homer.”

The report by GMANews.TV played up the risqué role that Marian will be playing in (this acronym still bothers me) ABHSAT:

As for her outfits, Marian says it’s a lot like Angelina Jolie’s outfits in Wanted or in Tomb Raider – rugged yet sexy.  You may also want to watch out for one particular outfit Marian had to wear where the neckline was almost until her belly button!

Woot on that!  I don’t know a thing about necklines, but that would be interesting.

It is still the whole deal with the name of the soap that bothers me; it kind of doesn’t lend itself well to translation.  The proper translation would be “The Woman Pulled from My Rib.”  But that’s rather… culinary.  “The Woman Eviscerated from My Rib” would be more apt, although it’s very horrifying.  “Dissected,” perhaps?  Nah, too medical.

So I gave up all hope and settled for “The Woman Who Was Hugotized From My Tadyangizer.”  I know it’s stupid but…

Man, that’s win.

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