It’s that time of the year again: prom night. It’s that time of the year for suits and corsages, for dresses and tiaras, and when the music of David Pomeranz is the norm, not the exception.
Grade school prom nights were early evenings spent in awkward “uuuuy” moments, where you kind of fear the “sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G” moments. When you’re in elementary school, even the faintest glimmer of a crush can be seen as a sign of weakness. Cooties, so to speak. The full brunt of that comes when you realize that the girl who you had your eyes on that night became an FHM cover girl.
High school prom night was even worse. After making it abundantly clear that I will not dance, a lady friend literally dragged me into the dance floor. It’s reminiscent of those old caveman cartoons, where the men dragged their women by the hair while their clubs were slung on their shoulders. I tried explaining away to my lady friend that I don’t dance, and we ended up in about three minutes of awkwardness: while my lady friend was feeling the dance, I was allowing myself to be dragged along the dance floor in a strange mix of waltzes and beer barrel polka.
Prom is also that precious moment where you get your first kiss, but that didn’t happen for me either. I get the obligatory mommy kisses every once in a while (Christmas, New Year). Other than that, though, I’ve never been kissed. Not even by my own ex four years ago.
Now this would be all well and good, if not for the fact that I’m 23 years old. Never danced in prom, never been kissed. No last dances, no first kisses.
Y’know, nobody invented an emoticon for that feeling yet.
I’m not in a rush when it comes to romance, and I’m not saying that I’m embittered about it at all. Yet as much as I want to treat the absence of a love life as a non-issue, it is very much an issue to just about every one I know. Just about every friend I have has gotten married or is in a stable romantic commitment, and here I am, bored as heck. It’s definitely not an explanation for “Marocharim-angry,” as some commenters have already taken it upon themselves to call it that, but it does get you thinking.
To some people, it’s almost always a case of first dance, last kiss. Not to me, though; not having had a first dance means that I don’t have a memory for one. I’ll always be waiting for a last dance. Not having a first kiss means that I don’t have to count how many last kisses I have had with someone. I will always look forward to a first kiss.
Maybe I couldn’t share prom experiences, give away prom tips, or have interesting prom stories to tell. If anything, though, the last dance and the first kiss in my mind will be something really special. Not only for me, but that girl who’ll probably come around.
Eventually… for one really horribly late prom date that’s years in the making.