I'm Not Gay, So Deal With It

By in

Written as a response to “Homophobia 101” by Danton Remoto

Some of my best friends are gay.  I am very aware, and very confident, of my sexuality and my sexual orientation.  I can’t say I’m gender-sensitive all the time, but I do try my very best to be as gender-sensitive as a straight man could possibly be.

Then again, I’d like to sum up a sentiment with a series of rhetorical questions:

Yet why, oh why, do some people insist that I’m gay?  That there’s at least an ounce of homosexuality in me?  Why should some people demand that I “come out of the closet,” when there’s not even a closet to speak of?  Why do you continue to compare me to a gay person, as if you’re bent on proving that you, as someone who’s gay, are far more competent and able than I am?

Whoa!  I mean, WHOA!

I think of myself as a level-headed straight guy.  I happen to like being straight.  I live the lifestyle shared by many straight people.  Does it make me any less of a man if I don’t find anything erotic about two gay men getting it on?  Am I a lesser degree of a man for not getting aroused looking at gay striptease?  So I don’t look at a handsome man with the same longing gaze as a beautiful lady; does that make me a hypocrite?

I don’t think so.

Great men are judged because of what they do, not for their sexual preferences.  History never judges greatness on the basis of who a man sleeps with at night.  Yes, a gay man will reel off the names of so many historical figures who have had a shred of gayness in them, but I dare ask of that gay man to reel off the names of so many gay men who have the shreds of greatness in them.

Like straight men, not a lot of gay men are destined to be great.

I dare any gay man to show me how “green” his blood is.  And I will sure as hell show him that the difference in the color of our blood is not even remotely caused by him being gay, and me being straight.

To a certain degree, I admit to being homophobic.  But my own homophobia does not excuse me from exercising respect, or at the very least, restraint (which I’m not particularly good at).  But to say that I have “gayness” in me – and insist in its latent presence – is borderline ridiculous.  Eh ano ngayon kung hindi ako bakla?  I’m not “gay” by virtue of watching Brokeback Mountain, I can tell you that.

I respect gay people.  I will even applaud them if need be for showing their “true colors,” for all my applause is worth.  But “succumb to my inner gay?”  No freaking way.

There is none, and there never will be.  So deal with it.

11 comments on “I'm Not Gay, So Deal With It”

  1. Reply

    We seem to be pondering the same thing. Check out my blog and the post – “I’m OK, You’re All Gay”.

    • cairn santos
    • May 18, 2008

    if you’re really not gay, you dont have to care at all and write all these stuffs, eh? you seem to be defensive…

  2. Reply


    my (completely unsolicited) response to danton remoto’s piece is simple: being gay does not, or at the very least should not, have anything to do with anything. i suggest you read danton’s piece first. my own “non-gayness,” or “straightness,” is there for purposes of illustration. 🙂

    the claim, however, that i “should not care” is rather symptomatic of a feeling of apathy. we should care, whether or not these are political or social concerns. i hope you don’t share in the apathy, indifference, and nonchalance of this generation.

  3. Reply

    @ cairn

    no-comment. . .i may not be hypocritical in many ways. . .but this guy. . .it just seems that he. . .nevermind

  4. Reply


    Go ahead…

  5. Reply

    hahaha…i think you already know what i am going to say marx.

    first, i do get the idea of where you are leading into and i think that the way you handle this issue is probably be the best way a straight man can.

    but remember, the moment you put yourself or your personal baggages into the issue, it starts to sound as if you are being defensive rather than educating.

    “Why do you continue to compare me to a gay person, as if you’re bent on proving that you, as someone who’s gay, are far more competent and able than I am?”

    i think this line is where everything boils down atleast to cairn’s POV. this is your own personal issue that you need to own, marx. gender (hetero and homo) doesn’t have anything to do with it and i bet no gay person have directly told you this: that they are more competent than you are, MARX. that is why some people, particularly homosexuals have thought you sound quite defensive about it.

    but on the other hand, after reading danton remoto’s post, i now clealry understand where you are coming from. although his post is enlightening for homosexuals, he fail to see that he also need to consider the standpoint of heterosexuals. simply because not all of them are actually homophobic.
    he highlighted so much about the greatness of his homosexual students and what not. but it sounded as if he needed to step down unto rest of his heterosexual students just for the entire gay community to reach the pedestal. inshort, his post didn’t sound liberating for all.

    basically, i believe that there should always a balance between two conflicting units among the advocacies that we go into in order to suceed.

    i thank you…bow!

  6. Reply


    you may want you read a rejoinder to this entry, “Casting Stones.”


    the “personal baggage” thing is, again, for purposes of illustration. 🙂 i do want to point out that “defensiveness” comes from the us-against-them mentality that some homosexuals have adopted in their general attitude and view towards straight people like myself (i’m sure you’re familiar… college days, hehe). with all due respect to danton remoto, i do not think that it is proper to bank on sexual preference as the absolute barometer for anything. to echo the POV, gender is a cultural issue that has implications on class; conversely, gender is a cultural issue that is further explicated by class. class is the origin, gender is consequential; you go after the root, not the fruit (pardon the gender-insensitive pun).

    • cairn santos
    • May 21, 2008

    to marocharim and the rest of you who are into wrong battles:

    the rule is simple here, dont fight for the wrong battle (i.e. proving yourself you are straight, if youre really straight) because eventually you will lose in your own despair trying to tell the world that you are really a straight guy. come to think of this, a man sitting in a chicken house does not make him a chicken. nor going to church every regular sunday does make him a Christian. nor being with gay friends make him gay also. its not where we were at or whom we were with makes us what we are. its what we are doing and what weve done makes us what we are. if you really know yourself, then those words up there would have not been written……

    its as if the article was written with strong emotional motivation? am i right? for me it was greatly propelled by fear. to what fear was it? im sure you know. but then again, its too obvious in insisting to the people here that you are not gay and you are straight. the hell the wise people care for that. are you wise enough to understand what i am saying? or wise enough to have second thought in writting that thing up there. its good to hear from you that you respect gay people. but saying that there is none (some gay factor in you) is hypocrisy. its a matter of acceptance…

    why does social stratification exist? inorder for us to identify ourselves in terms of our function and level in society. it all started as an exaggerated reaction of people so they made it. now the “homosexual issue” became a political and social issue because of exaggerated reactions of people. the question is: will you contribute another strata to the complex system of social stratification?

  7. Reply

    @ cairn:

    to answer your question, i have absolutely NO second thoughts writing that thing up there. and strangely enough, you seem to echo everything i said in the first place.

    social inequalities from stratification is very different from social inequalities from difference. again, read the article very carefully: this entry is a response to danton remoto’s “homophobia 101” article (both in his blog and in abs-cbnnews.com commentary). the “homosexual issue” is, was, and will be a social and political issue not because people exaggerate it, but because it is highlighted as an issue of our time. face it: a gay person who says everyone has gay in them will find at least one straight person who says everyone has straight in them.

    look at it this way: why should a danton remoto or a marocharim have this certain perception of gender anyway? my passing “commentary,” again, is not “propelled by fear,” as you put it. it is the “propelled” by the issue of how and where exactly do we situate homosexuality. is it stratification, or is it difference?

    this entry (thank you for calling it an “article”) is written with disclosure in mind. to un-conceal. calling me a “hypocrite” is no longer my business. hopefully, you understand that not everyone subscribes to an “everyone is gay at one point or another” axiom.

    stratification, or difference?

  8. Reply

    hello, that article was written tongue-in-cheek, the way i usually write. if the slam-dunk irony is lost, i can only smile and whistle in the wind.

    take care,

    danton remoto

  9. Reply

    sir danton:

    tongue-in-cheek it may be, it was a bit off. 😉 my two cents worth are, after all, worth two cents. haha.

    you take care too. best of luck to your senate bid.

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