Back and Forward

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I was walking around the market awhile ago when all of a sudden, I got really sick to my stomach.  Not from my unhealthy diet of french fries and Chicken McNuggets (if you have only 15 minutes to eat, this is the way to go), but because the price of one measly kilo of rice has shot up to P45 for a decent variety.  Usually, I would explode in a bombastic tirade against the government for not giving the people enough.  It’s the former activist in me, the political scientist in me, the angry man in me.  These days, my seething anger has subsided, and I’ve fallen into a rather strange depressive state.

What am I going to do, anyway?  I want to change the world for the better, but reality sinks in fast.  I’m just one person.  I can’t even fix up my own messy life, and here I am looking for ways to change the world.  I often ask myself: how many people are actually willing to give up something for nothing?  Not a Jun Lozada, not a Gloria Arroyo, not a Gambala or a Maestrecampo.  Everything in this world is a cost-benefit ratio where the latter should always be greater than the cost.

And then I think of how many people I have given up on, how many opportunities I have passed up, just to get somewhere in my life.  Looking back, I knew I paid some hefty prices for little things and big things I have said and done.  Looking forward, I know there are still some things I have to pay for, because I cannot avoid doing some regrettable things.  The debts I have with Fate will rack up.

I guess that’s the whole point: Fate will deal you with a hand, and it’s up to you to make the best out of what you have.  Often, the ratio between costs and benefits will be positive towards the former.  I’m not scared; for the first time, I actually am looking forward and back at the same time.

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