X-List: You're Spending Too Much Time In Your Cubicle If…

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Following the lead of my friend Erik, here are five notes for the weekend.

  1. You turn paranoid.  Drew Carey once said that all it takes is three walls for a man to feel trapped.  My paranoia almost always acts up on me, but never more so with my cubicle.  After working on a few write-ups, I look over my shoulder to see if anyone’s watching me doing the old Alt-Tab between my article, the 10 tabs of Firefox I use for researching my articles, and that other Firefox window that’s on YouTube.
  2. You dream about your cube.  You really need to go see a psychotherapist if much of your dreams are about you and your cubicle.  Trust me.  There are better things out there to dream about than facing a blank wall.
  3. You rearrange your workstation layout more than necessary, and realize that it will always work the same way.  I’ve tried moving my monitor to the left side of my cube, then to the right side of my cube, then to the center of my table.  I tried sitting towards the left of my cube, the right side of my cube, then the middle of my cube… until I realized that I can only do so much with five square feet of space.  So I just settled for placing the monitor to my right.
  4. You think you own your cube.  Scott Adams writes that no office worker ever outlasts a cubicle; that on the contrary, your cubicle owns you.  I’ve seen my officemates decorate their cubes with all sorts of self-expressive stuff like toys and Post-It notes.  Maybe I should buy a Mirmo doll.  Besides, the night-shifter who may be using “my” cube reserves the right to leave his Fit N’ Right bottles strewn at the back of “my” monitor.
  5. You have lost all sense of night and day.  I enter the office in the morning and leave at night.  ‘Nuff said.

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