Infernal Boots

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   For the first time in four years, I’m back to wearing boots.  But they’re not combat boots: they’re dress boots.  Black suede-leather boots.  Boots for the modern, fashion-conscious cowboy.  I suppose I should dress up in my leather pants, one of my black shirts, my trench coat, my Harley-Davidson bandanna and my cowboy hat, and be the dystopian version of Clint Eastwood in the 1992 Academy Award-winning film, “Unforgiven.”

   Outside of money (the gift that keeps on giving… in more ways than one), the boots were part of my Christmas gifts this year.  In the beginning, the idea of wearing boots appealed to me, and I looked forward to breaking them in today.  But unlike new shoes, new boots need more in the way of getting accustomed to.  It has a pretty high heel for a man’s shoe, and there really isn’t a lot of freedom of movement for your toes given that the shoe tapers toward the front.  And because it’s a leather boot, breathability is out of the question.

   There is an upside to wearing boots, though: it makes ass-kicking a hell of a lot easier.  With my pointy boots, I can deliver podiatric sodomy to my enemies better than any ordinary shoe.  And once you get used to boots, they really ain’t that bad because they correct your walking motion.

   So the next guy who crosses The Zone will literally and figuratively be brushing my boots with a toothbrush.

2 comments on “Infernal Boots”

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