I was having my morning coffee when breaking news appeared on TV: a kid committed suicide here in Baguio City, somewhere at Cabinet Hill. I was extremely bothered: Cabinet Hill is a short walk away from my own house, and that house looked extremely familiar. From the camera angle, it looked like the very same boarding house some of my old college friends rented a couple of years ago. It was enough to have the hot coffee stop halfway down my gullet: if anything, yet another lucid interval yesterday had me hallucinating on the matter of a girl hanging herself, not too far from where I live.
To further corroborate and validate some lingering suspicions on the death of that girl, a friend of mine blogged about it.
Damn, I thought: what is it with kids killing themselves nowadays? I would be extremely happy to assist an Angst-ridden emo-loser’s suicide if he or she wants to kill himself or herself with the bristly end of a toothbrush, but this is just ridiculous to the point of worry. Back in Original TMX, one of my later entries was the suicide of 12-year-old Mariannet Amper, wher I wrote:
“We can only speculate what went on in Mariannet’s mind that All Souls’ Day when she found herself in that room with her hand clutching a makeshift noose. Maybe the poverty was too much to bear that she decided to end her misery once and for all. Maybe she couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe she cannot have any more than what she already has, so the grim future was to be found at the loop of that noose.”
Much as I hate to admit it, we can only speculate what happened to that girl who killed herself at Cabinet Hill. Depression, maybe? Sexual abuse, perhaps? Or maybe there’s just something in the wiring of the human brain that just leads you to do things that you would not usually or rationally do, like kill yourself.
There are things that even speculation would not solve: why a 12-year-old girl would make a noose out of a belt and rags and hang herself from a second-floor window. I won’t play to the hypocrisy and hype in saying that this is “martyrdom,” but it’s a sad state of affairs. Depression is caused by too many things: it is anomic, it is the failure to adapt and to integrate. It is something that’s not only the failure of one person, but society in general… when we fail to live and to keep living.